I’ve always really liked
Facebook. It gets a lot of unfair bad press, although admittedly it is mostly
from papers like the Daily Mail, which is stuffed with more bile than William
the Conqueror. Not so long ago I would log on to the social networking site and
have long chats and debates with my friends, 50, 60 comments on each thread,
all in very good humour and spirit. But all of a sudden, these thoughtful and
funny threads have stopped and now you can’t move in there for people
re-posting the same videos and pictures of cupcakes or variations of the ever
crap ‘Keep Calm’ slogan or ‘sharing’
these silly little paragraphs about angels. There is one I have seen a couple
of times about some nosey angels that are apparently watching me, which was
annoying because I still in my pyjamas when I read that and I looked terrible,
you think being angels they’d at least have the decency to let me have a shower
and put some underwear on. Bloody pervs. Anyway, turns out they are going to
help me with two big problems I have - presumably being stalked by some
feathered bloke in a dress is one of them. It then said they were going to do
me a favor – hopefully learn how to spell favour – and I had to drop everything
at once and share this post, but as I was reading it on my phone, I dropped
that as instructed which then rendered me unable to share these words of
bollocks. Suffice to say, my wish won’t be coming true and I will just have to
solve my problems myself, as I did before angels learnt how to use the
internet. Another one of these mumbo jumbo posts invited me to solve a couple of
piss easy riddles before counting down from 10 to 1 after which it would allow
me to close my eyes and make a wish. But then in a sinister twist it instructed
me to share this post and my wish would come true but then threatened me that
if I didn’t share it within 19 minutes then the opposite of what I wished for will come true. Well unsurprisingly I chose to not to share it and then wished to
not win the lottery. That’ll show them.
I don’t think a day goes by when
I don’t see at least one person, let’s call them ’bored women’, re-posting a message, usually in a garish
1980s quiz show type font on a pink background from a page called ‘I love being
a mom’, about how much they love their children. I think someone needs to tell
them that actually, it isn’t unusual for parents to love their children, in
fact I’d go as far as to say that it’s expected of them really. Actually I did
tell them but they didn’t take any notice. So let’s just assume that we all
love and are proud of our children and we’ll say no more about it, ok? My
favourite ones are the pictures of dogs being booted up the arse or some other
‘heartbreaking’ image with the instruction underneath to ‘like this picture if
you don’t agree with it’. What you’ve actually done is just ‘like’ a picture of
a dog being booted up the arse. That’s all. That dog’s life hasn’t changed
because you clicked ‘like’ but what has happened is that someone somewhere is
laughing their tits off at all the fools who fell for their ploy of seeing how
many people they could get to like a picture of a dog being booted up the arse.
I liked the picture too, but that’s because I don’t like dogs and think it’s
funny when they are booted up the arse.
Then there are the latest video
crazes such as the ‘dancing’ pony or the neither funny nor clever Harlem Shake
or the ear and eye torturing Gangnam Style. I’m quite happy to see videos that
people enjoy, but there is very rarely anything original or a bit different
there that hasn’t been posted before on numerous occasions. Facebook now seems
to be just a platform for scores of talentless bastards to plug their latest
bandwagon, people seem to have stopped using their brains and would now rather
share undeservedly over publicised images or videos than their own thoughts,
observations, opinions or humour. I try to do the latter, but because I choose
not to use smiley faces, countless ‘lol’s and a ridiculous amount of unnecessary
question marks, people seem unable to interpret a post as humorous or tongue in
cheek anymore. The light hearted chats have petered out and unless I put
anything funny that the kids might have said, my posts, which I always try to
make amusing and different, are largely ignored. I find this quite frustrating
when you then see someone announcing that it’s ‘Wine o’clock’ for the
fourteenth week on the trot and this receives about 13 likes. I also get
shouted down for these kind of comments because people can ‘put what they like
in their newsfeed’, which is true for all of us including me, so fuck off of my
page and stop contradicting yourself with obvious statements. So I don’t really bother to post much anymore.
The news feed cloggers have won unfortunately with their inane tripe and
constant over posting of crap, so will probably put most of my thoughts on here
or elsewhere from now on to avoid people grabbing the wrong end of the stick
and preceding to beat me with it. Oh and do feel free to share this blog on
Facbook by the way..