The idiot's scrapbook.

I’ve always really liked Facebook. It gets a lot of unfair bad press, although admittedly it is mostly from papers like the Daily Mail, which is stuffed with more bile than William the Conqueror. Not so long ago I would log on to the social networking site and have long chats and debates with my friends, 50, 60 comments on each thread, all in very good humour and spirit. But all of a sudden, these thoughtful and funny threads have stopped and now you can’t move in there for people re-posting the same videos and pictures of cupcakes or variations of the ever crap ‘Keep Calm’ slogan  or ‘sharing’ these silly little paragraphs about angels. There is one I have seen a couple of times about some nosey angels that are apparently watching me, which was annoying because I still in my pyjamas when I read that and I looked terrible, you think being angels they’d at least have the decency to let me have a shower and put some underwear on. Bloody pervs. Anyway, turns out they are going to help me with two big problems I have - presumably being stalked by some feathered bloke in a dress is one of them. It then said they were going to do me a favor – hopefully learn how to spell favour – and I had to drop everything at once and share this post, but as I was reading it on my phone, I dropped that as instructed which then rendered me unable to share these words of bollocks. Suffice to say, my wish won’t be coming true and I will just have to solve my problems myself, as I did before angels learnt how to use the internet. Another one of these mumbo jumbo posts invited me to solve a couple of piss easy riddles before counting down from 10 to 1 after which it would allow me to close my eyes and make a wish. But then in a sinister twist it instructed me to share this post and my wish would come true but then threatened me that if I didn’t share it within 19 minutes then the opposite of what I wished for will come true. Well unsurprisingly I chose to not to share it and then wished to not win the lottery. That’ll show them.

I don’t think a day goes by when I don’t see at least one person, let’s call them ’bored women’,  re-posting a message, usually in a garish 1980s quiz show type font on a pink background from a page called ‘I love being a mom’, about how much they love their children. I think someone needs to tell them that actually, it isn’t unusual for parents to love their children, in fact I’d go as far as to say that it’s expected of them really. Actually I did tell them but they didn’t take any notice. So let’s just assume that we all love and are proud of our children and we’ll say no more about it, ok? My favourite ones are the pictures of dogs being booted up the arse or some other ‘heartbreaking’ image with the instruction underneath to ‘like this picture if you don’t agree with it’. What you’ve actually done is just ‘like’ a picture of a dog being booted up the arse. That’s all. That dog’s life hasn’t changed because you clicked ‘like’ but what has happened is that someone somewhere is laughing their tits off at all the fools who fell for their ploy of seeing how many people they could get to like a picture of a dog being booted up the arse. I liked the picture too, but that’s because I don’t like dogs and think it’s funny when they are booted up the arse.

Then there are the latest video crazes such as the ‘dancing’ pony or the neither funny nor clever Harlem Shake or the ear and eye torturing Gangnam Style. I’m quite happy to see videos that people enjoy, but there is very rarely anything original or a bit different there that hasn’t been posted before on numerous occasions. Facebook now seems to be just a platform for scores of talentless bastards to plug their latest bandwagon, people seem to have stopped using their brains and would now rather share undeservedly over publicised images or videos than their own thoughts, observations, opinions or humour. I try to do the latter, but because I choose not to use smiley faces, countless ‘lol’s and a ridiculous amount of unnecessary question marks, people seem unable to interpret a post as humorous or tongue in cheek anymore. The light hearted chats have petered out and unless I put anything funny that the kids might have said, my posts, which I always try to make amusing and different, are largely ignored. I find this quite frustrating when you then see someone announcing that it’s ‘Wine o’clock’ for the fourteenth week on the trot and this receives about 13 likes. I also get shouted down for these kind of comments because people can ‘put what they like in their newsfeed’, which is true for all of us including me, so fuck off of my page and stop contradicting yourself with obvious statements.  So I don’t really bother to post much anymore. The news feed cloggers have won unfortunately with their inane tripe and constant over posting of crap, so will probably put most of my thoughts on here or elsewhere from now on to avoid people grabbing the wrong end of the stick and preceding to beat me with it. Oh and  do feel free to share this blog on Facbook by the way..